Happy Hollis-days!

The question has been posed on more than one occasion.

“How has Fatherhood changed you?”

Often,  it’s a back-handed question much like, “you getting any sleep?” More often than not the asker is a childless friend trying to feel good about being childless. Rarely is it out of genuine intrigue or concern. It’s cool, I was one of those people only 3  months ago.  The thing most of these askers don’t consider is, Tiease and I  PLANNED to have a baby. We actually had several conversations for months about it before we began trying.

The thing about parenthood for so many people is it sneaks up on them. I have a friend who just had a baby, she and her boyfriend switch off childcare days so they can still go party. Ole girl  was twittering about the club two weeks after she delivered her son, bless her heart.  No judgement on my part but Tiease and I didnt want to go that route. I couldnt imagine doing the stuff I used to do, knowing I have a baby at home.

That’s just me. So I waited and waited and met the right woman and talked about it extensively and one day we finally agreed it was a good a time.

So my answer to the question is , Fatherhood hasn’t changed me.  Sorry to disappoint.

UPDATE!!!

The above is what I would have said a week or two ago but something unexpected has occurred. It may or may not please the haters to find out, Fatherhood has changed me in one way.  This one wasn’t in the baby books.

Yesterday I sent a picture of Hollis in her Halloween costume, to my sister.

After gushing about how cute she is, she responded ” I’m surprised you dressed her up, I know you never used to celebrate the holidays”. True. I haven’t truly celebrated a holiday since I was 13.   That was the year my mom converted from Christianity to Judaism. Can’t exactly make me light a minora, after 13 years of decorating a tree.  It was cool.  Renigging on the holidays came in perfect timing, one less thing for my angst ass to moan about. At the point I believed more in the Jesus Crust (an old punk band)  than Jesus Christ, the last thing I wanted to celebrate some Coca-cola commercial version birthday for the worlds biggest hoax.

As for Halloween, I guess I would be more into it if more people (including myself) put energy into the costumes. To often people pull some bullshit outfit together the day Oct. 30th and expect a pat on the back. If  anyone asks you what you are supposed to be, you shouldn’t;t have gotten dressed up in the first place.

But this dread of the winter holidays is not completely unfounded. I know I am not the only one who has forced themselves to leave their warm home and  I drag our asses in the snow to go to some family dinner. It seems like it would be a great idea and honestly everyone seems to be having a good time. But I NEVER have. It ain’t easy being “the artist” in the family. The one who could give a shit about football, whose diet consists of things exclusively not on the menu and only seems to have anything in common with the children.  I just assume stay home or enjoy the quiet the city has to offer while middle america drinks beers and gobbles up gobblers.

Fuck the Holidays.

Sorry, you see, the humbug, punk rock, asshole in me, would rather rain on your Thanksgiving day parade than sit back and enjoy your happiness.

But it wasn’t always this way. I have great memories of the Halloween and Christmas. One year, I begged my mom for one of those cheap plastic costumes you could get at the Pathmark or Safeway back in the day. She is an artist and we were broke most of the time, so she preferred to make me costumes , damn good ones in retrospect too, but for one reason or another she bought me the synthetic Frankenstein outfit.

 

scary stuff!

 

 

As the story goes, I saw my self in the mirror before leaving the house and was so scared I couldnt even go trick or treating.

Awesome story!

one more this time Christmas,

I like most American children love Santa Clause. I wanted nothing more than to meet him in real life. I was 3 or 4 and living somewhere in Brooklyn or Jersey city. We went to the police station to see Santa. As we lived in a black neighborhood, I’m sure the pigs thought it would be a community service to have a black Santa.  Well someone should have warned a little brother because I was not prepared. THIS WAS NOT SANTA!!!!! haha.  Now that I think of it someone should have warned the santa too. I was not about  make his job easy.I pouted, kicked and screamed. It’s amazing they even got me to take a picture.

 

the best shot of the session

 

 

Im sure my mom was devastated at the time but we’ve been laughing about that one for years.

Now I want him to be black!

My childhood is filled with vivid memories of grocery bag costumes and Paper Mache Christmas trees. This for me is what the holidays are supposed to be about.

What I realize is that as I got older, and my mom started making more money, the holidays became less about the excitement of a visit from Santa or busily crafting a costume  It was about getting shit. I wanted and (no disrespect intended here- I love you mom) she provided. It went from Spider man Christmas to  GI JOE Christmas to  POWELL PERELTA Christmas. It wasn’t about experiences or family at all.

Again Fuck the holidays.

But the thing is with the birth of Hollis starts the birth of a new family, my family. I realized that I get to start fresh with Hollis.

 

Janet, Micheal and Dumbo. Happy Hollis-ween!

 

The Holidays are now the Hollis-days.  We get to see the happiness our parents saw in us as children and its our duty to remember the important stuff as she gets older.  We hold on to experiences.  Ask me where my GI JOE hovercraft is.

Happy Hollis-days!  A time that is football free and there are always vegan options on the table.

 

 

My Next Great Invention.

Back in March I was laid off from my job. It was my first and only “real” job. I was making a real wage, had health insurance and paid off a bunch of debt.  I was also miserable most the time.

All the dad books I read while Tiese was pregnant, told me it was typical for dads to focus on the finances while mom focus’ on the baby  but money has never been a priority in my life. Staying alive, a float and available for my loved ones has been more of a priority.  Still, with a new born due in Aug., I was nervous. For the second time in my life I was job hunting (the first was when looking for the aforementioned job).  Up dating my resume, scowering head hunter websites, even scanning craigslist , I thought to myself ” this is not me.”

I asked the members of my facebook community a simple question “Does anyone love what they do for a living?” The only positive answers I got were from people like the previous me. Artists, people who were being paid for their art.

I’ve spent years as a film maker but somewhere I lost my way. For the last two years, I’ve been taking  jobs, editing stuff I don’t give a shit about, producing work on politics that dont concern me, and hustling valuable time in order to do what, stay in my field? In the hopes of what, maybe Ill be able to make a feature one day?  It’s ridiculous, Ive already made two. My work as touched thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, and  I’m sitting here filling out applications to be lackey for an infomercial producer? Nah. that’s not the James Spooner the DIY punk scene raised!

At the end of the day, I’m an artist, the medium is secondary. I needed to just keep my eyes open and when life puts an opportunity in my lap as my mantra states across my chest states,  I must always “Say Yes”.  That’s how this blog began and that is where I am today.

One foot in front of the other I have stepped into the world of tattooing. Through my other passions, biking and organizing weirdo black people, I met my homie Pedro. One day during our first few months of friendship we got to talking about his profession as a Tattoo Artist.

Pedro shows me the ropes on my first tattoo

It just made so much sense for me. It’s art, I’m a people person, I can do it anywhere in the world, and there is good money in it. DUH. I dont know why I didnt get into the business when I was 18.  Anyway, I say, it’s never to late to reinvent yourself.

First Tattoo

I did my first 3 tattoos this week. I have to say I’m honored that people would volunteer their skin to me based on my film work. It’s real show of trust and respect (another thing I don’t remember getting much of while “on the job” ).

Black Flag - My first two punk tapes and now one of my first two tattoos, it must be a sign.

He said "my kids are going ape shit" after seeing there names tattooed on his chest. Thats a good thing. NOTICE: dude had me initial it too! wow.

Elephant tattoo - my first venture into shading. Can't wait to see how it heals.

I’m sure next year at this time I’ll look back at these first pieces and smile fondly to myself. As my new friend Brendan at Unbreakable tattoo says “those first 100 are rough”, but honestly, I’m pretty pleased with em.

As I pressed the needle into my brave friends skin, I felt something I never did, producing or editing those “for pay” jobs… freedom. I look forward to a long, prosperous, journey doing something I love.

My friends 5 year old, decided he wanted a chest piece like me, so I guess I still have a little influence over the kids.

The Nicky Woo Photo Shoot

From day one of Tiease’s Pregancy my home girl Nicky Woo has been head over heels about Hollis. I mean in the womb Nicky was preparing her role as “Aunt Woozie”.  Last week as a wonderful gift to our family, she did a photo shoot with us.  Here are the highlights.  Thanks NIcky.

spooner family - photo credit n. woo

James Spooner and baby Hollis . photo - Nicky Woo

Spooner Family photo - nicky woo

I know your two months Hollis but come on walk already! lol

Spooner Family - polka dots - Pic. Nicky Woo

not a mom approved hold. pic nicky woo

Spooner Family - Pic nicky woo

we are a tough family! haha

Disclaimer for Nicky :  None of these photos have been retouched yet. They are straight out of the camera.

Poop Scoop – What to do about the diaper dilemma?

Now I know there all kinds of people on the planet . Clearly I’m not one of those “Inhale a bag of hot Cheetos and blindly drop the bag on the street” types, but even those orange fingered assholes love their children. I believe part of loving your kids is leaving them with a better world than the one we live in.

One place where we, as a species, are failing miserably is in diaper department. Poop technology has developed leaps and bounds over the last 30 years. Kids today can sit in there shitty Huggies for ages without a care in the world, but at what expense?

It’s estimated, 1 diaper can take  500 years to biodegrade. One day, post- apocalyptic archeologists, digging for answers to the next great plague, will instead of dirt,  be sifting though our children’s diapers. Something tells me no one will pay $8.50 per family member to see  petrified, poop in a plastic wrapped whinnie the pooh pamper.

Like any healthy baby Hollis is a piss and poop machine. After those first few weeks of developing intestines and painful gas, we revel in the gift of regular diaper treats but, much to my dismay, for the last two months I have been one of the millions of Americans who throw away 570 diapers every second. (That’s 49 million diapers per day) .

1 week old and she had already contributed this much poop to her planet.

Before she was born we went to a prenatal class and when the discussion of diapers came up, we were the only couple out of 30 or 40 who was considering cloth diapers. Sad but maybe they were just being more realistic.

The first couple days out the box, I seemed to spend most of my time at Target. One the first of those trips, I bought a pack of cloth diapers but  couldn’t find those rubber tipped pins anywhere.

“Excuse me Miss” I said to the 15-year-old clerk in red, “Where are the diaper pins?”. She told me they didn’t sell em.  Actually her response was “Say what?”,  but  poor customer service is for another pet peeve blog post.  A supervisor explained to me that parents use the diapers as a mechanics rag of sorts, cleaning up spit up and what not but no one actually bought  them as diapers. The pins didn’t sell so they don’t stock em.

Fail!

On another trip to the bigger Target on La Cienega, I found they stock “Nature BabyCare” a biodegradable disposable diaper.  In doing some research I found that these diapers completely degrade in only a 3 months. For 2 -3 bucks extra a pack, I thought it was worth it. Of course, the smallest size (1) is still to big for a new born, so I told myself I would just suck it up and use the disposable for a month or so until she could fit into the biodegradable joints.

7 weeks later Hollis is now a fat butterball and can fit into her earth friendly disposable drawers.

Dude do they make infant bras!

As she does, she ran through the 40 pack in a week and needed more. On my next Target run, I found they were sold out! Plenty of luvs, huggies and , but dust collected where  my  “eco” diapers once sat.  I had another pack at home but I knew I had to start the hunt if I wanted to keep in good standing with mother nature.

My search sent me to the world wide web and one website brought to my attention to the idea that unless we start composting these boo boo receptacles, biodegradable diapers may not be all they are cracked up to be.  Even I switch to biodegradable garbage bags (meaning a goodbye to my beloved diaper genie), not much really breaks down in a landfill. It just piles up.

UGH!  It shouldn’t be this hard!

Enter the G-Diaper, It’s an underwear with a removable liner, that you can flush, compost or trash, less waste because it’s just a liner, and it’s biodegradable and hella cute to boot!

I have a days worth of diapers left so sign me up!  I figure, SOMEONE has to be selling these things.

Babies R US? Nope. Target? Nope. Maybe some of the specialty shops? Not in my 11th hour search. The only retailers I could find were online but I need these today or I’m gonna have a pooptrastfy on my hands. LITERALLY!

According to the G-Diaper website, the only place in ALL of LOS ANGLES , a city where somewhere around 300,000 little people are in diapers, that peddles these joints is that health food store outside the GROVE.

So I call em up, deal with more inventory ignorant sales staff and finally get some clerk to confirm that yes, they have the underwear AND the liners.

“GREAT! Hold em for me!”

I’m exhausted from a long day at work and no sleep the night before so Tiease volunteers to pick em up.  What does she come back with?

“They had the liners but not the undies”   ARRRRRGGGGG!!!!!

By the way, these Luvs cost half as much for twice the quantity!  Apparently there are more orange fingered assholes in the world than I thought.  So much more leaving the planet a better place then we found it.

Pops Props #2

When dads are rad, pops gives props.

Ayano and Selah

my wife would kill me if I rode hollis like this...

...still it's not a bad idea.

photos courtesy of Amber Sumathi Jamanka

New Momma, New Drama

We’re a month in and right away it’s become apparent that Tiease thinks, that one day I will absolutely, positively, without fail do something, to break our little Hollis in half. Now I’ll admit I’m more relaxed with her. But I don’t believe being uptight is being a better parent.

Example, As I type this, Hollis is laying on my chest not totally asleep but not really awake either. Clearly I have to use my hands to type so, I am doing a bit of a balancing act.

Not a mom approved hold.

Sometimes it’s a one handed type. Sometimes it’s a two handed type with one arm supporting Hollis’ weight. This balancing act is what I have to do to be able to watch my kid and get work done. Might I second guess this in front of Tiease? Hells yes! I think our old buddy Skip explains it best in this story about his kid jumping in a water fountain.

The fact is her second guessing me hurts my feelings and maybe even bruises my ego a bit. Neither of us have had a baby before. We’re both swimming with out a paddle here. I think we’re doing a pretty great job, but all the criticism was leading me down the short path to resentmentville.. I felt under appreciated and disrespected.

I had to get more insight. So while out on the Freedom Ride last weekend, I asked my friend J Swift what he thinks. Let’s get more dad perspective in the second installment of Daddy Drive By.

It makes me feel better to know I’m not alone.

Tiease is great. I just sat her down one day while Hollis was a sleep and told her how I felt. It was a good move. She understood and apologized. That’s not to say I am off the hook. Not two seconds ago, she warned me against leaving Hollis in the sling if I’m not wearing it. “She’ll sufficate!”

Oh well, you can’t win em all and I guess if I have to admit it, we have at least 6 other places better suited to house our sleeping gal.

Still if she keeps it up I’ll have to send my boy Pedro to talk to her. His stoner ass had a few words to give to new moms. LOL. I love this dude.

By “POP”ular demand…..

more pics of Hollis!

co-sleeping...

...how could we possible resist?

Nan and Hollis ... this one is gonna make my mom jealous.

look how small she is.

she loves her bath

song time rules cause she doesnt know I can't sing yet.

HOLLIS’ MIXTAPE – selections by Damon Locks

My good friend Damon Locks, also happens to be one of my favorite living musician/artists. His  exceptional ear and eye has been an asset to my life. He has turned me on to so many great Bands, Films and Artists. His blog THE POPULATION, will no doubt inspire you as well.

Yesterday, he sent me a mixtape of music he thought my daughter should be introduced asap.  I can’t think of a better way to bring my friends and family together.

Like the Sesame Street Mixtape I made a while back, this is music you will dig regardless of your parental status.  So download and Enjoy.

Art by Damon Locks. Damonlocks.com

Track list.

1. Good Morning to You – Child Development Group
2. Sunday Morning – The Velvet Underground
3. Different people, Different Ways – Buffy Saint- Marie
4. Levi’s Dub – Augustus Pablo
5. Pearl’s Dream – Brokeback
6. Take another look – bbc Radiophonic Workshop
7. Brulee – Ratatat
8. Pause – StereoLab
9. Moca – Evinha
10.  マッハ・ゴーゴーゴー
11 Ali Baba – John Holt
12.  Oh what a beautiful Mornin’ – Gordon MacRae
13. Fortune – Little Dragon
14. Innocent When you dream – Tom Waits
15. Lullaby (2w 46th st) – Moondog
16. Love is in Outer Space – Sun Ra
17. Le brin d’herbe – Brigitte Fontaine & Areski
1. Scarecrow – Paul Robeson

DOWNLOAD MIX

An Artist’s delema… who am I now?

One thing they say happens to men when faced with fatherhood is a reexamination of what is really important.  I have been asking myself that for the last couple years but now that little Hollis is here I certainly find myself asking it more.

At 18 I weaseled a diploma out of my high school.  At the point in my life I had already thumbed it across most of the country. I knew that life had more to offer than cramming for mid terms in a 10 x 12 room while my keg standing buckeyes fan dorm mate, assembles a “killer gas mask water bong”.

Still, having more life experience under my belt than many of my peers didn’t get me any closer to knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I moved around a lot hoping to find the answer: the lower East Side, to Columbus Ohio, to Seattle and back to NY.

Somewhere along the line I figure out that I wanted to be a sculptor. I spent months tearing paper, gobbing glue and molding tape to make these wonderfully elaborate larger than life figurative sculptures.

22 in my studio and Yes folks I had a perm.

I wanted to make art that would make people think. Thing is, I didn’t know what I wanted to say. Consequently  my work was interesting looking but masturbatory at best. People walked away from my work thinking Can you believe that was made of paper?” or ” I didn’t know James was so talented” but nothing about it made a difference in there lives.  I knew I had more to offer.

A few years later I suffered a bit of a break down. Rather I began my journey though a considerable identity crisis.  That pain was a catalyst for art. I finally had something to say. Dissecting my experience as  a black kid in a white kids world  put me on the map.

After I made Afro-Punk I had it all figured out. I wanted to reach people, I did. I wanted to change people. I did, I wanted to make a difference. I did.

Then came the inevitable question;”Whats your next project?”.

Next project?!!!!

People wanted more. Problem is Afro-Punk’s the only complete thought I had. At least it’s the only thought I knew how to articulate fully.  I had a punk rock tenure of arguing or defending myself, with mainstream “normals”, both black and white, as research.  Now, just like that, I’m supposed to say something else, something new,  something equally as moving. I’m expected to speak for a whole generation… again?

Okay, “I’m up for the challenge”, I thought. But what do I say? How do I say it? Sound familiar?  I didn’t know then but I was basically right back where I started.

Then, out of nowhere, Re:New Media awarded me 25,000 dollars. A friend believed in me enough to match it.  With all the love and now this loot, my head was in the clouds. I really thought I was the shit.  I made another film. This time I wanted to explore the art of narrative story telling. Two years later, White lies black sheep.

No one saw it.

I had a semi-prestigious premier at the  Toronto International Film Festival and did a few other festivals but  eventually it just suffered the dusty fate of too many quality festival films. But it wasn’t just the movie; a lot of people in the same situation would have soared. I expected more. More press, more accolades, more awards, more props.

White Lies Black Sheep Q and A

My sights were on the big time but my film was in the underground. I forgot the most basic punk rock principal. Stars kill rock and then rock kills stars. I wanted more love but all I gave the audience was more of the same.  I hadn’t  covered any new ground with White Lies.

D.I.Y. is too real.  PR can’t buy you popularity like it can in the mainstream.

I sold mine on ebay. Art is not about branding.

Worse than losing site of my audience I lost sight of myself. I didn’t give myself anything new to work with. Even with the burden of financial debt, I just didn’t have the drive to get this new work into the world.  I found the Q and A’s boring. The same questions the same answers.  Black people can be Rockers, Black people should have the opportunity to do what ever they want, whah, whah, blah, blah, black.

I had regressed to where I was as teen artist. I was exploring my medium but wasn’t saying anything new.

I’ve been so fearful of failing in the eyes of the public. As a result, in the 6 years since Afro-Punk was released,  I haven’t allowed myself, to explore myself. I’ve done work but the motivation has been all wrong.

I forgot what it was like to make art, knowing that it is very possible that no one will ever see it. I forgot that art is supposed to relax you.  I forgot that I am an artist because it makes me feel good.

new medium, same passion

” We told each other everything, our whole relationship was like therapy!”, I once said of a destructive relationship. A friend of mine reminded me on the contrary, therapy is supposed to make you feel better.

Ah ha.

Essentials for the first week with a newborn.

It’s our first week as parents and like any, we are learning along the way. This items top the list of things I would have hated to do with out.  If you are expecting, use it as a priority guide. This are good baby shower requests.

There are two things your baby will do a lot of, sleep and  shit. Most of the stuff you will find most helpful in the first weeks are connected to these things.

1. Happiest baby on the block video.

I didn’t read the book, I didn’t see the movie, I did however watch a few videos on youtube and far and wide has been the most useful tool.  I can get Hollis to calm down in a matter of seconds. Watch and learn!

part 2

And is catching on around the world. Check out this funny video form Japan.

skip to 0:37

but seriously whats up with the wine glass?

2. A day sleeper / bed / bassinet

We want to keep an eye on her at every moment. She maybe asleep but who knows what could happen. We sure as hell don’t. Were not gonna hang out in the bed room or nursery all day. Realizing this from jump I put some contraption for her to sleep in in every room.  Top choice, the “Cocoon” by Arms Reach.  I gotta thank my girl Barberella for this one. Hollis thanks you too.

Mom says "It's like she's on drugs in there. Awesome!"

Hollis in her Cocoon

3. Diaper Genie

I don’t know about you but some how no matter how the liberated woman, It’s always with no exception my job to take out the trash. Now that we have our very own poop factory in the house I would be running down to the dumpster 10 times a day. All praises go to the diaper genie. Thanks to this thing we can store a weeks worth of shitty pampers and the nursery doesn’t smell. I love when products do what they are supposed to. Money well spent. Big love to my homie Stacy Shells in Rochester for actually spending that money!

4.  Baby Carrier

Your partner just had a baby and you both adjusting to this new life, these new routines and crazy sleep schedules. In between the feeding and the changing and the millions of photos for the family, you are probably gonna want to do some of the stuff you did before you had a baby.  Baby Carriers are built just for that purpose. You can have both hands and still comfort your little one. I’m actually wearing my kid as I write this.  So far my favorite is the sling. It’s masculine enough, mine is black and does the job well.

Don't I look masculine while I do the dishes?

EDIT: While looking for info on this sling to pass along to you I found that it was recalled! There is a lesson here.  This is the second recalled baby gift we received.   Geez.

Anyway the sling is a good style of carrier for me, I guess this particular brand and model needs to be sent back for a replacement.

5. Ass Donut.

As a man, one thing the books don’t prepare you for is how ridiculously wonderful and terrible the birthing process is. Yes its totally amazing and will change the way you look at women for ever but seriously… put this way. For those of you with stretched earlobes, Imagine going from a typical  gauge hole to fitting a beer can though your ear in a matter of hours.

This took years!

Now instead of it being your ear imagine it as a prince albert.

Yeah its like that.

So when its all said and done and your amazing child is here, chances are your partners whole southern hemisphere is gonna be swollen, stretched and torn (or cut) apart. Days of  frozen maxipads are in her future. She is gonna need to sit on something comfortable.

Big ups to my Mom, for having the for site to order a donut for Tiease to sit on.  A comfy Tiease makes for a comfy Spooner household.

Check back, in a future post I will write about stuff I had to buy last minute and stuff that is a complete waste of money.